New Leaf Magazine

Written by Julie Raque, this article gives you simple and very practical tips on how to lessen the burden of grief. Julie, a young widow with children, explains some of the things she did to help her recreate a quality life for her and her children. She explains how to navigate through grief and get the so-called "monkeys off your back while you create the new you."

Through the story of the Groundhog's Shadow, Ann Leach teaches you not to dig a hole and hide from your grief. Don't be like the groundhog and disappear when you feel threatened by your environment. Come into the light ready to face your shadow and create the grief recovery you desire and deserve.

In her article, Dr. Sandra Graves explains the importance of honoring your feelings gives you permission to embrace whatever ritual you may choose to express your mourning, acknowledge your right to grieve and accept the normalcy of your feelings. Respect that the depth of your love and the depth and duration of your grief. Do not worry when your grief subsides. This does not mean that your love is gone! It is simply an indication that you have made the journey from physical love to the spiritual love that is in your memories forever.

Suzanne Howell takes a unique look at grief and addresses the many variables that impact grief. She explains why grief is different for each of us. As she attempts to answer the question of how long "this" will take, she explains why each person and their life experiences control our adaptability to the changes we encounter and how and when we will develop a new normal. For each person, the timeline for grief is different and it never moves as fast as we want it to. Suzanne also provides creative ways for grieving individuals to move forward in a positive way as they learn to live without the presence of their loved one.

Dr. Sandra Graves explains in this article that, "For all who grieve the death of a loved one, it is important to know that we stand together in an ever widening ring of circles. The impact of a death is like casting a stone into the water. The ripple effect of the incident has many layers and reaches far beyond what may be expected. Each circle stands alone, yet is connected to the center. The circles touch each other before they radiate outward. Each circle in our life has a different significance, both to each of us because we are unique and also because each circumstance is different."

Dr. Lee Drake and Sherry Williams White share coping tips for the grieving family. They stress that communication is the key for a family coping with grief. It is important to be together to talk, cry or even sit in silence. At the same time, there should be respect for each member's way of handling grief. Each member of the family has a different personality and different coping styles, so it is unfair to expect everyone to grieve the same way. As funny as it may sound, each family member must grieve alone but with each other as well. Sharing your grief as a family will help you grow as a family.

Sherry L. Williams shares an exercise she used with the firefighters in NYC after 911 to help them find perspective and grab on to small pieces of hope so they could cope with their losses and learn to live again.  This exercise does not negate the loss but helps those who are grieving see that even in the middle of crisis - good things continue to happen to them.

Adapted from a Griefwork Newsletter, Sherry L. Williams gives concrete measures to help a grieving individual know if they need to reach out for professional help.  She also explains that making the decision to seek help is a sign of strength and demonstrates your willingness to take action and control of your grief. 

The wife of one of the 9/11 heros shares a story about how important it is to remember the little things in life, the little things that happen daily, that we take for granted.  She stresses how important it is to look for those things everyday and to cherish them because, we don't know how long we will have them.

Susan Smith editor and writer provides insight into the power of words as she encourages those who are grieving to journal.  When you put things into words, you make what your are feeling and thinking real.  When it is in black and white you are allowing yoruself to acknowledge the pain and that is one of the first steps toward healing.

How do we make good things out of bad?  How do we look at the world?  Can there be a brighter side even in our pain?  This beautiful story demonstrates how important a positive attitude is in our everyday lives.  It clearly shows us that it is important to trust ourselves and the process of grief.

Life is full of all sorts of “yucky” ingredients. The many things that happen to us all contribute to who we are and who we are constantly becoming. And even in grief, something good can come out on the other side if you will just trust yourself and the process of grief.  This story really makes a lot of sense about life and how it molds us into who we are.

Are you looking for hope?  Do you feel like you will never find or feel it again?  These are normal reactions when someone you love has died.  Sherry Williams White, nurse, writer and grief specialist shares six tips for finding hope again.

Susan Smith writer and editor shares three different stories about how people have honored their grief and created memories so they could move into the future holding onto love shared.  These three women have very different stories but all of the women had the goal of creating memories and remembering the love.  Perhaps you will find an idea for you.

Kathy Teipen, writer, hospice and grief specialist shares ideas for finding the quiet that lies within all of us and how that quiet can be just the time for reflection and growth as we move through our grief.  Sometrimes we need the quiet to calm our spirit and find our way.

Ann Leach, Life Coach and grief specialist describes the inherent loss of memory, confusion and loss of focus grief brings our way when a loved one dies.  She provides some simple things you can do to help you regain a sense of control.

What is hope?  After someone dies, we look for hope more than ever. Sherry Williams White, nurse, writer and grief specialist shares her insight on what hope is and how we find it in the midst of our grief.  She writes; Hope is not something you can touch or feel or see.  Hope is an emotional state.  Hope is the desire or search for a future good.  It is the wish for or expectation that something will be better and the expectation that there can be a positive outcome even when the present condition is to the contrary. But, how do you find it in the midst of pain and suffering?

One simple thing you can do to help you with your grief is to pick up a journal and start writing about your feelings.  Many people are uncomfortable with writing but it can be very therapeutic.  This article shares ideas that will help you release your fear and your grief.  One person writes: “Writing seemed to be the only way I was able to give voice to my grief,” says Mark, who suddenly and tragically, lost his sister in 1992. “Journaling allowed me to express the rage I had for being deprived of growing old with the one person I love more than anything in life.” He continues, “Now as I read over those entries from many years ago, I can see how important it was for me to face the darkness head on. By facing the unthinkable, I was able to return to the light.”  Tony Falzano, writer, songwriter and grief specialist shares insight on the power of journaling.

Sandra Graves-Alcorn, PhD, ATR explains how life development patterns affect how you interpret life and life experiences.  At different levels of your development your understanding of what is happening around you and to you changes.  These changes in your understanding impact your coping styles and your ability to cope.  As she leads you through the ages and levels of development it is import to remember that the temperament with which we are born and the personality we develop determines how we handle life and death.

When a deep and profound love is ripped apart by death, how does the surviving person move on with life? What is it that allows one person to bear and work through the grief while another is devastated for years? A loving survivor is bound to grieve—a great love has been severed—but how does one hold the misery at bay and not be engulfed by it? Does excessive mourning indicate a deeper love, a more heartfelt loss? Or does it demonstrate a lack of adequate tools to process grief and go on with living? Thomas Strawser, writer, grief specialist provides answers to these questions and more in this article.

How do you look at life?  How do you look at death?  How do you look at grief?  In this article, Sherry Williams White, nurse, writer and grief specialist shares the analogy of grief and a kaleidoscope.  She explaines how the shards of glass inside the kaleidoscope when held toward the light (which represents our hope and beliefs) changes the picture.  Your picture becomes something different, not better or worse, just different.  Life with a different and new meaning that includes your memories and the desire to make your loved ones life as well as their death have meaning.

Deb Kosmer writer, nurse and grief specialist shares information about Living in the Moment when it isn't easy to face the next second.  She writes: Living in the moment may sound like good advice; a reminder that when we live in the past or put our life on hold until some hoped for future, we may miss the beauty and the magic of today. However, what about when there is no magic and we can't see the beauty because our eyes are blinded by tears or our heart is so full of anger and despair. Where do we live then?

Another thing people often say is; "This is the only moment we have." This moment then becomes a life sentence to those whose hearts have just been broken.  "This moment" when all hope seems to be lost, when we are hoping it is only a nightmare and soon our world will return to normal just by waking up, only to find the nightmare continues.

Sometimes in our grief, the sources of comfort come from the most unsuspected places.This is an absolutely beautiful story of love, a wedding, and how a wedding fiasco provided just the healing needed for a man whose wife had died.  When you read this story you will find out who is helping who.  Written by Edna Ellison, popular writer and speaker from Clinton South Carolina.

Tony Falzano, writer, composer and grief specialists writes;

Emotions will rise when you listen to music. What usually follows is crying, even sobbing. This is okay and it should be welcomed. It's therapeutic to cry. It's one of the best things we can do. We release hormones, stress and toxins when we release tears. That is why many of us feel better after "a good cry." We let go of pain which helps us return to a calm state. Music augments these moments. There is something about it that heightens the emotion in what we are experiencing.

Eloise Cole, Grief Specialist and speaker,  writes;

Many people live with the illusion of being in control of life, wanting to believe that they are in charge of their choices and their destiny. But as you know, when someone you love dies, you quickly concede that some aspects of life are beyond your control. You find yourself facing circumstances you never ever imagined. You ask, how could this happen? Why me? Why now?